我在爱的道路上不断前行，我感到内在越来越自在，我深深的感谢在这里相遇到的每一个孩子和每一位家长，通过你们，我在学着幸福的生活，学着放下和宽恕，学着不去评判，学着接纳，学着自由的爱，心开始变的越来越自在舒展，感到幸福，遇见你们真好！谢谢！作者: taomama 时间: 2009-6-6 21:34 标题: Re: 给重视幼儿教育的家长，尤其是家有小小孩喜欢乱打别人的家长 http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_5d2480850100c760.html
是华得福学校处理相互打架小孩的例子
愤怒能转化成帮助的力量(2009-01-13 18:47:50)标签：教育 分类：教学园地
愤怒能转化成帮助的力量
Anger can turn into helping strength
星涵/文 鲍素娟/译
One afternoon, a child came running into the teacher's office and shouted for help:
“There s a boy lying on the floor of our classroom and crying heavily!”
一天下午，一个孩子跑进老师办公室大声叫道：“一个男生躺在我们教室的地上大哭！”
When the teacher came into the classroom, he took the hand of the crying and sobbing boy and put him on his laps. Meanwhile, various children were already telling him in different version, what had happened.
Obviously, the children were playing on the floor, when three of them started to change the dynamics of the game and teased the boy, who did not have the energy to withstand them. Then they started throwing themselves on the back of the boy, and the more he tried to defend himself, the more they liked the game.
As from the perspective of an adult, this game is a typical way how children get to test out their strength and limits. If such situations can be assisted by an adult, it is difficult to say, what actually happened, if he has not seen it happen. But as the children experience the situation totally and only from the emotional side, it is sure that it also has to be solved on an emotional level. This means, the children have to feel, that they acted badly, and they have to feel, that they can also act beneficially, if they make the effort. Not the child is bad – his behaviour is bad! We have to let the child feel, that it can use his strength to act well and to help others. This also is the basic moral educative message within the precious „Grimm's fairy tales“, which should therefore be read to children over and over again during many years.
The teacher then asked the three children, who were said to have teased the boy to tears, whether they really did that. Two of them admitted it, the third did not want to admit it but the teacher could see in her eyes that her heart was admitting it too. So the teacher asked each of the three to come to the teacher's office individually. Two of them came and the issue was solved through exhoring words and a little story with a moral content. Then they walked up to the boy, looked into his eyes and said: “I am sorry”. The third child resisted to come to the teacher's office. The teacher told her, if she would not come now, she would have to come in the afternoon after finishing school.
After school was over that day, the teacher went to the playground and looked for the child. He only had to walk up to her without even saying a word, and the child immediately knew, she had to come now. But naturally she was complaining. As they came into the office, the teacher made her sit on a chair.
It was very important for the teacher that the position of the child's chair made her to look at many beautiful things: flowers on the table, little beautiful stones or wooden items from nature. Through these things, the child's soul should certainly feel, that the teacher did not want to punish her , making her an outsider among the children, but that the child had to obey certain rules in the school as well as every other child as well. Concsiously, of course the child did not notice that. Instead, she wanted to make the adult do what she wanted. And obviously she was used to also succeed in this. So she started complaining loudely, shouting bad words at the teacher, stamping her feet and hitting the chair with her hand.
The teacher said to her: „If your mouth is saying such bad words and your hand and feet act in this way, I do not have to listen to that, you can continue screaming at the wall!“ And the teacher calmly left the room, so the child was alone.
It is very important, that whoever acts like this towards a child does not condemn her inwardly. In his heart he fully has to believe that the child can change her behaviour as time goes by, if she gets the right help from good educators.
To leave the child outwardly alone is not cruel, if inwardly she is fully accepted as she is. But leaving her alone will make her recognizing her own behaviour, because the child herself will feel it is stupid to shout bad words at a wall, if nobody hears them. And she will feel it is boring, if nobody is there to react to her screaming. So after a shorter or longer time, she will stop.
The teacher then stood outside the office just close enough that the child could see him when looking out of the window. After about 7 minutes the child peeked out of the window, softly knocked at the glass from inside the office and said quietly: „I am ready.“
The teacher then entered the office again. The child had calmed down. He took the child's hand, looked into her eyes and said:
„I am so glad to see you back as the child I know, who can behave well and not scream unpolite words. You have to obey the rules of the school like everybody else, you can not hurt another child. Sometimes your hands and feet are doing things that they should not do. What shall we do so that they don't do it again?“
The child shook his head and looked down, ashamed: “I don't know – ”
The teacher said: „Each time I see that your hands or feet want to do something bad I will help you. But I can only help you if you also help me. I will twinkle my eye to you, which none of the other children will notice. This is our secret language, all right?! And then you know, you have to tell your hands to obey you, so you don't have to obey your hands! Before you go to sleep tonight, ask all the stars to help you too, and they will do it.
Then the teacher led the child to the door and the child left the office.
The teacher then called the parents of the child and told them about the situation. This is very important, because children can easily make up their own stories if they feel the parents are not informed.
Later, it turned out that the child did not even mention the situation to her parents at home. That shows the teacher, that the child felt, how he actually helped her.
The next day, the teacher taught again in that class. When the girl saw him coming, her eyes were shining warmely. There was no complaint or anger left. She participated very well in the class and even wanted to help the teacher as much as possible.
Through this situation, the child has felt his strength, but also his limits. If we want to educate children – not only press a lot of knowledge into their little heads – we need to show them their limits. The rules in the school are necessary to help educating the children. For example: knock the door before entering the office; do not take other people's items before asking them; if you happen to hit another child, you later have to apologize and do something good to him. We try to educate the children like this, but unfortunately there are also parents, who do not act like good examples to the children and, for example, just walk into offices without knocking the door. Please do not do that! The school rules apply to everybody!
Most children have lot of strength, but without direction. If children feel rules, consequences and duties when they are young, they will be able to act socially responsible and self-assure when they are grown up. If they never feel rules, they can also not feel the positive ability in them to obey these rules. This will weaken them, so when they grow up they will more easily undertake unmoral or destructive actions.
Loving a child does not mean not to let him feel limits, consequences and duties!
The love in education is not the soft, romantic illusion from TV-movies - it is believing in the child's individual ability to act to the benefits of humankind and to help him to develop this in his own way, disregardless of the parents' or teachers' own dreams and hopes.